Thanks for all your support guys, this sadly is a road, I travel myself, one person has come to my personal aid. Her name, is Kylie. I just recently met her, and she is my life line, she is whats hold me to this world. Her words, her actions. She keeps me happy, and she is giving me courage to find my self and stop keeping things inside. I have taken the first step to getting some help. That is, I have requested the help and support of my parents, and asked to see a therapist. Shortly I will in fact visit one, hopefully I am able to clear my head. I just recently had my girlfriend stolen by my best friend, and that isn't what set this whole thing in motion, I'm stronger than that. However the under lying betrayal of an 11 year friend, and my own special love, did strike a deadly blow. My heart is held together with string and serotape (Moving to Blackwater reference), and its hard to let things go. I am young, I do not deny. I am 15 years of age. I had nothing but the love of myself and my heart to my significant other, I'm to young to dabble in things for sex, money, cars, status. It isn't what I cared about. I really, just wanted to put her on a pedestal, and make her the best girl she could be., so all I knew how to give was my pure love. ...and she through it all away. I really do feel devastated inside, and on top of my depression and paranoia, it really brought me down. I am having reoccurring suicidal thoughts, and I know not to act on those thoughts, but its hard not to get drunk off them, they are overwhelming and unstoppable. Not many are in here (real life) in support of who I am as a person. I am a misfit, and a monster. I am so mixed up inside and the only way to fully vent as of now, is via internet. I have a few problems. If you care you may read on, if not, ignore it, everyone else does. I am bisexual, and do not wish to come out of the closet, too many people would mock and turn on me. I wear girls panties, they are more comfortable, and give me confidence that I know just who I am, and how I want to live. I will NEVER obtain my dream in life, to move away from everyone and everything and live in a Victorian house next to a cliff, surrounded by trees, and away from all life. I have friends, but none that would care if I'm gone the next day. As of right now, its hard to go on, and live life, nothing is of value, no motivation is in me. I ask not for sympathy, or any sorrows at all, I just need to let my feelings out, thank you too those who posted on my profile, you did help, and this is for you. Spread the love, save a life. You saved mine.
Love, Porcelain.
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