Ungratefuls. AWPs don't grow on trees you know. Unless it's an AWP tree. But what are the chances? I mean, sure, a Scout tree, maybe. But an AWP tree? I think not.

-Necrosis, Live from pwnage.tv

Necrosis: I like how the Blizzard Downloader gives you a warning like, "Oh shit! You have a firewall!! Bad! BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!!"

Stephen Colbert: I know

Necrosis: "If we ever catch you using one of those things ever again! You will be soooo fucked!"

Stephen Colbert: "How about you just delete all your anti-virus / firewall programes and install Norton, we heard it's great"

Necrosis: "What could possibly go wrong? We ARE Blizzard Entertainment Inc. after all."

Stephen Colbert: "We will not instaill trace-trojans in your computer... [small][small][small][small]You have to read the Rules of Agreement first, then we can![/small][/small][/small][/small]"

Necrosis: Hmm. Let's scan the computer with AVG! Viruses Found: 2,384,204 Initiating Quarintine of Infected Files

Necrosis: "QTF!!?!?!? WoW is gone!!"

Necrosis: /gunshot

Necrosis: And another an hero rises

[17:42] TimeParadoX: you tried to shave your pubs?

[17:42] Swamp56: o.o

[17:43] TimeParadoX: [quote]That's called razor burn >.<

I tried the same, and got the same result >.>[/quote]

[17:43] Swamp56: 90% of boys try that <.<

[17:43] TimeParadoX: try to shave their pubs or get razor burn?

[17:43] Swamp56: both

[17:43] Swamp56: :S

[17:43] TimeParadoX: Also, why specific percentage? You know 90% of the world's boys?

[17:43] TimeParadoX: You pedophile...

[13:51] TimeParadoX: *flexes* Like my guns?

[13:51] TimeParadoX: YOU want tickets to the gun show?

[13:51] Jackass Storm Trooper: :O

[13:51] Jackass Storm Trooper: GUNS?

[13:51] Jackass Storm Trooper: I have a gun phobia

[13:52] TimeParadoX: Fine

[13:52] TimeParadoX: *unzips pants*

[13:52] TimeParadoX: Lazer show?

[12:55] TimeParadoX: Well... There is nothing to makeover in your pictures, you're already perfect.

[12:55] Ekic: aawh :P

-AssassinsExistence, God of Pickup lines.

Stephen Colbert: FOREST FIRE, FOREST FIRE!
Stephen Colbert: call 119!
Necrosis: 119?
Stephen Colbert: 199*
Necrosis: 199?
Necrosis: /calls
Stephen Colbert: 991?
Necrosis: almost there
Stephen Colbert: 9..1...9?
Necrosis: close
Stephen Colbert: 912?
Necrosis: kinda closer
Stephen Colbert: 913?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 910?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 912?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 910?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 912?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 910?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 912?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 910?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 912?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 910?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 913?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 899?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 999?
Necrosis: lower
Stephen Colbert: 1?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 2?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 3?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 4?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 5?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 6?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 7?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 8?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 9?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 10?
Necrosis: higher
Stephen Colbert: 911?
Necrosis: ooooh yeah baby, just like that
Stephen Colbert: oh yeah!

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: dude.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: I gotta fill out this shit.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: lol

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: less distractions = better shit filling out-age

Stephen Colbert: put your age as

Stephen Colbert: 1337

Stephen Colbert: I put 01-3-37

Stephen Colbert: :D

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: 'Cos you were totally born in 1937... assssss...... lol.

Stephen Colbert: I am

Stephen Colbert: I' remember when there was-has-been about 30-ot years ago...

Stephen Colbert: There be something called... Radios

Stephen Colbert: It was very,very high tec.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: Bitch.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: They had tv's 30 years ago.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: hahah.

Stephen Colbert: You're a liar, no they didn't.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: 1978?

Stephen Colbert: No

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: Yeah....

Stephen Colbert: 1968

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: lol.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: I hate talking to you.

Stephen Colbert: See! *points at calender*

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: hahaha.

Stephen Colbert: You must have traveled back in time, Scotty.

Stephen Colbert: Did your pops' leave you that there Corvette?

Stephen Colbert: It has this here, Time Machine, in the dash board.

Stephen Colbert: Se...[accidently clicks button]

Stephen Colbert: OH SHI-!

Necrosis: Peewee in a Snake?

Stephen Colbert: on*

Stephen Colbert: he's fucking it.

Necrosis: In. He was swallowed by one.

Necrosis: Sexy.

Necrosis: Mmm.

Necrosis faps

Necrosis: Yeah...

Necrosis: That's right

Necrosis: Oooh

Necrosis: Just like that babe

Necrosis air humps.

Necrosis: Ah.

Necrosis: Yeah!

Necrosis: OOOh!

Necrosis: JUST

Necrosis: LIKE

Necrosis: THAT

Necrosis cums.

#-СТАЛКЕPҲ changed name to Dr. Pepper #v!rus

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : I suck cock!

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : I suck cock!

(ADMIN) Dr. Pepper #v!rus: banned player Dr. Pepper #v!rus

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : AHAHAHAHA

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : I suck cock!

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : I suck cock!

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : I suck cock!

Dr. Pepper #v!rus : I suck cock!

(ADMIN) т•๓คภ®#v!rus: banned player Dr. Pepper #v!rus

You have been banned by admin permanently !!

Disconnect: Kicked and banned.

Stephen Colbert: I can't talk

Stephen Colbert: these bitches be in mah house

Necrosis: ah

Necrosis: well throw them out!

Stephen Colbert: they be fat bitches

Necrosis: IN THE NAME OF YOUR FUHRER BE GONE WITH THEM!

Stephen Colbert: MAN THE HARPOONS!

Necrosis: THIRTY DEGREES NORTH! DIVE DIVE DIVE!!!!

Stephen Colbert: GO GO GO

Stephen Colbert: Captain, we've seem to hit a whale!

Stephen Colbert: OUR HULLS HAVE BEEN BREACHED!

Necrosis: Well scrape off Black Hole's e-girl and be on with ye!!!

Stephen Colbert: CAPTAIN, OUR SHIP IS SEAKING

Stephen Colbert: WHAT DO WE DO?

Necrosis: WE BE IN A SUBMARINE!

Necrosis: ITS SUPPOSED TO SINK

Stephen Colbert: OUR HULLS ARE STILL BREACHED THOUGH!

Stephen Colbert: WHAT DO WE DO?

Necrosis: MOVE EVERY ZIG!!

Stephen Colbert: WE CAN'T CAPTAIN!

Stephen Colbert: OUR PHASERS HAVE BEEN SHUT OFFLINE!

Necrosis: WHAT YOU SAY!?

Stephen Colbert: OUR PHASERS ARE OFFLINE, SIR!

Necrosis: WHAT!?

Stephen Colbert: WHAT DO WE DO NOW SIR? WE'RE GOING TO BE SUNK WITHIN A FEW MINUTES!

Necrosis: I HAVE A PLAN!

Stephen Colbert: WHAT IS IT, CAPTAIN?

Necrosis: LET'S SPLIT UP, GANG!

Stephen Colbert: BUT...

Stephen Colbert: JOHNSON TOOK A SHIT IN OUR SUITS YESTERDAY

Stephen Colbert: WE HAVE NO ESCAPE ROUTES EITHER!

Necrosis: *pops a Mento* It doesn't matter what comes, fresh goes better in life, and Mentos is fresh and full of life!

Stephen Colbert: Yes, Mentos! Good idea, Captain!

Stephen Colbert: MAN THE HARPOONS WITH MENTOS!

Necrosis: Oh ah yes! Mentos! Indeed..

Stephen Colbert: FUCK!

Stephen Colbert: CAPTAIN, OUR MENTOS DESOLVED IN THE WATER!

Necrosis: IMPOSSIBLE!

Stephen Colbert: LOOK OUT THE WINDOW SIR! APPARENTLY SOMEONE MIXED THE SEA WATER WITH COCA-COLA!

Stephen Colbert: WE'RE RISING!

Stephen Colbert: WE MADE IT!

Stephen Colbert: Hurray, Captain! WE MADE IT TO THE TOP!

Necrosis: AH, TIS THE LIFE OF A PIRATE THAT BE SO FUF.... Wait a minute!

Necrosis: JESUS CHRIST IT'S A SEA LION! GET BACK IN THE SUBMARINE!!

Stephen Colbert: HOLY SHIT! THE FAT WHALE IS HERE TOO!

Stephen Colbert: MAN THE HARPOONS WITH A SALAD, IT'LL SCARE IT AWAY!

Fallen.^[Balloons <3]: Hmmmm... Who's 2 years should I recap first?

Stephen Colbert: THE FUCKING BLINDDOG!

Stephen Colbert: BITCHES

Fallen.^[Balloons <3]: O,o

Stephen Colbert: Guy: "So blind dog, what did you see 2 years ago?"

Stephen Colbert: Blind dog: "NOTHING"

Stephen Colbert: If I tell you...

Stephen Colbert: do not share or I will have to rape you.

FPSB | BlackHoleSon: ok i wont share it.

Stephen Colbert: PINKY SWEAR?!

Stephen Colbert: -holds pinky out-

FPSB | BlackHoleSon: yes -entwines pinkies-

Stephen Colbert: lol fag

Stephen Colbert: only fags pinky swear

Once upon a time in a Christian CS1.6 Server...

*DEAD* [myg0t] Praise Santa! : Praise Allah!
*DEAD* [myg0t] Praise Santa! : Praise Allah!
*DEAD* [myg0t] Praise Santa! : Praise Allah!
*DEAD* [myg0t] Praise Santa! : Praise Allah!
*DEAD* [myg0t] Praise Santa! : Praise Allah!

-You have been kicked from the server: "Praise Jesus!"

AssassinsExistence: I've been chewing this same piece of gum since Monday...

BlackHoleSon: holy shit

AssassinsExistence: It's fucking like...

AssassinsExistence: 1 little piece now

AssassinsExistence: taste nasty

BlackHoleSon: damn

BlackHoleSon: ew

AssassinsExistence: Guess where I put it when I brush mah teeth?

BlackHoleSon: the same place Marked One keeps his bolts

AssassinsExistence: His penis?

AssassinsExistence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHg5SJYRHA0&feature=related

AssassinsExistence: click it!

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: OH!

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: FUCK YOU!

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: GOD DAMN IT.

AssassinsExistence: YOU GOT RICK ROLL'D!

AssassinsExistence: Ok seriously though, here click this

AssassinsExistence: It's a cool video I found.

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: THAT WAS THE BEST RICK ROLL EVAR!!!

AssassinsExistence: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU

CrOssBowEd_LoBstEr: God damn it...

AssassinsExistence: DOUBLE BARREL RICK ROLL'D!

TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO STICK HER DILDO INTO MAH PENIS!
-AssassinsExistence

About 100 years ago, I've discovered the amazing powers of the Internets.

Forged through fires and flame came a mysterious illusion called "Counter-Strike", It became the God of our kingdom, full of nerds and people with high pitched voices the land we lived in praised it.

We found it most adventurous game... But one day... During the darkness of the night, Valve® stole our God and ruined our Kingdom!

I could never forgive Valve for what they have done, it caused us much pain... But, they improved our God and made "Counter-Strike: Source"!

We began to love our new God, Gabe Newell.
-AssassinsExistance, Copypasta response for threads "How long did you play CS for!?"

I hope you're prepared for the Up-coming battle at Fort Doom, You'll need a Penis with Stealth-Tracking capabilities, Onions, Pickles and sometimes Macaroni & Cheese.
-My Girlfriend

I'm going to become a S.T.A.L.K.E.R when I grow up.
-AssassinsExistence

Chuck Norris is for rednecks, Rambo is for everyone else.
-AssassinsExistence

Smithz: omg, saw 2 girls 1 cup written on siros profile yesterday
Smithz: was like wtf is that?
Smithz: searched it
Smithz: and now scarred for life
AssassinsExistence: epic lulz

"You like Testicles right? I ordered a Baker's Dozen for you."
-AssassinsExistence

AssassinsExistence: Go here, it's the best website eva!!1

AssassinsExistence: www.lemonparty.org

[Royal] | BlueDoom.: ?

AssassinsExistence: Click it, it's for free music

[Royal] | BlueDoom.: realy.......

AssassinsExistence: yeah

[Royal] | BlueDoom.: ok

[Royal] | BlueDoom.: AH DUDE WHAT TEH FUCK!!!

AssassinsExistence: http://youtube.com/watch?v=iMNNkTIVuYA

HyρEđ! Beef[Hax=Unforgivable]: You date all of those.

AssassinsExistence: ?

AssassinsExistence: fat girls? I know

HyρEđ! Beef[Hax=Unforgivable]: Lol.

AssassinsExistence: She's hot right?

AssassinsExistence: I like blew my load when I saw her.

HyρEđ! Beef[Hax=Unforgivable]: No. Assassin, no.

AssassinsExistence: I met her at Dairy Queen... She was ordering food

AssassinsExistence: And it played Queens "We are the Champions" in the background

HyρEđ! Beef[Hax=Unforgivable]: Dude... Please stop.

AssassinsExistence: I was like "Hey baby, want to go eat some French Fries?"